Life as LawWife

These are some thoughts from Derek W.H. Thomas in August’s Tabletalk. I’ve excerpted most of it, though I left out a few big chunks that weren’t necessary to the point.

Four times in Genesis 39 we read that God was with Joseph (39:2-3, 21, 23).

It is relatively easy to reason that when things are going well that this represents blessings of God. Most of us fall into it by default: things are going well and we thank God for “every good and perfect gift that comes from above.” We count our blessings and name them one by one. In the abundance of provision and security of a life where things are going well for us, it is reasonable to conclude that God is in the midst of all of this.

But Moses, in writing the account of Joseph, has a more profound theology than this. As the story develops, things suddenly, and without warning, turn bad.

What now? When things suddenly turn dark, what are we to think of God’s promises to His children? It is one thing to reason that God is with us when things are going well. It is another to conclude the very same thing when things are going badly. And yet, this is precisely what Moses does. … God was with Joseph in the bad times as well as the good times.

It is worth pondering what this means. We might have expected Joseph to reason that because things had turned worse, God must surely be against him. It is natural for us to assume that bad things are indicative of chastisement. “What have I done to deserve this?” we ask. The false accusations made against Joseph would then be an example of instant retribution. God was punishing him for something he had done. … And because we do believe in divine retribution, this sometimes is the case. Paul seems to be saying as much when he comments on why some of the Corinthians are sick and dying (1 Cor. 11:29-30). But such a conclusion is not a necessary one, and in this instance it would be an entirely false one. Outward suffering is not necessarily an indicator that God is against us.

What Joseph did not know, but what the end of the story in Genesis 50 makes clear, is that God had a purpose in mind for placing him in prison. He would be the right man in the right place when the pharaoh would be losing sleep due to a recurring dream. God would have an interpreter of the dream there at hand in the king’s own prison, having exercised his gift among the pharaoh’s former butler and baker (who are also in prison). God is weaving a plan, which in its macrocosm will lead to the raising of Joseph to leadership and the rescue of the covenant family from the famine that befalls his homeland. Joseph’s imprisonment is part of the unfolding of the greater plan of redemption on the pages of history.

Only faith in the “steadfast love” of God towards His own (Gen. 39:21) will reason this way. But it is the way of faith to reason in just this way. No matter how dark the path gets, there is a reason for it. I may not know it; but that is not important. What is important is this: He knows!

A friend who also struggled (struggles?) with IF loaned me When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden: Encouragement for Couples Facing Infertility by Sandra Glahn and William Cutrer, M.D. I read through it over our vacation in Williamsburg.

Overall, I found it quite unhelpful. Why? I’ve been on the IF/TTC train for nearly four years. I’ve already worked through the majority of the issues covered in this book. At times, I felt truly disconnected from the author. I mean, it opens with this:

“I think I just need to relax,” I told the doctor with the kind eyes. I’d just had my annual gynecological examination. “We’re putting in long hours with our youth group, I work full-time, and my husband just finished seminary. We’ve probably been too busy to ‘hit it right.’”

This after trying for 18 months?! I cannot relate to this, though I’m sure others have gone through denial like that. I realized before even beginning TTC that it wasn’t going to be easy; my cycles were quite irregular, ovulation seemed pretty weak, and physical signs followed in charting weren’t showing themselves in the “correct” or ideal manner.

That said, there were a few helpful portions. Chapter 9 covers the “whys” of IF. The authors give these reasons:

• To bring us to faith in Christ
• So we can comfort others
• To mold our character
• To eventually give us something better
• To grow our trust in Christ

All of those are valid, I believe. However, they’re not terribly comforting. Essentially, IF is a trial of faith. We can fail by losing faith, or we can succeed by gaining more faith. No reason for a trial helps me to endure the trial, though. I’ve thought of so many “good” reasons that I’m not a mother yet (e.g., needing to work on patience, not being a good enough housekeeper, etc.), and they just make me hurt more. I can work on anything and everything, but my arms still ache to hold a child. I can comfort others and look forward to the “better” that my faith in Christ will eventually bring, but my heart still longs to love my child.

The only other chapter I got much out of was Chapter 10, titled, “Infertility: Does the Bible Really Say That?”. It covers some of the things that have popped into my mind over the past few years. Here are some examples:

• The Bible says, “Children are a gift from the Lord; the fruit of the womb is His reward” (Ps. 127:3). Does that mean I don’t qualify? — “If God had stopped at giving us salvation, that would have been plenty. That and anything beyond salvation is ‘gravy.’ God blesses all of His children, but He chooses to distribute specific gifts differently. These gifts are not limited to children, nor are babies His ‘ultimate’ gift.”
• Does the fact that I don’t have a child mean I’m less spiritual than those who prayed and got a child? — “No. The Book of Job made clear thousands of years ago that there is not always a clear cause/efect relationship between sin and suffering.”
• Why does every righteous childless woman in the Bible eventually conceive? — After listing several who evidently didn’t (Anna, Huldah, Phoebe, and Priscilla — though I would say there’s not enough evidence to say either way on at least the latter two), the authors write this: “Unfortunately, we tend to turn [the fact that the nation of Israel experienced infertility when they disobeyed] around to an individual level and apply modern logic that goes something like this: Infertility was sometimes a curse in the Bible; I am infertile; therefore, God is punishing me.”
• Psalm 37:4 reads, “Delight yourself in the LORD; and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Does the fact that I don’t have a child mean I’m failing to delight in Him? — In the genre of Hebrew poetry, which deals in generalities rather than specifics, so “[g]enerally, the person who delights in God will receive what his heart desires because those desires fall in line with what God desires. If my delight is in Him, He is the desire of my heart; as I grow in loving Him, He gives me more of Himself.”

Perhaps for someone just now facing the reality of IF, this book could be more useful. It was published in 1997, though, so a lot of the information (especially in the treatment chapters) feels out of date, even if it isn’t. I can’t really recommend purchasing it; if one wants to skim through it for something useful, I’d suggest borrowing it from the library or finding it on eBay or on something like Freecycle or Craig’s List.

Edited 5/1/07

I did forget to mention one other helpful thing, this statistic: Only 5% of adopting couples go on to conceive. I can’t wait to use that on the next person who tells me that all I need to do is adopt in order to have a baby! 

Elizabeth

Elizabeth is introduced to us along with her husband in Luke 1. We learn that they are both of Levite lineage (he’s a priest and she’s a descendant of Aaron’s), and we get this tidbit:

And they were both righteous before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and statutes of the Lord. But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and both were advanced in years.

While Zechariah is serving in the temple, God sends an angel to make him this promise:

Do not be afraid, Zechariah, for your prayer has been heard, and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall call his name John. And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great before the Lord. And he must not drink wine or strong drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother’s womb. And he will turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God, and he will go before him in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, to make ready for the Lord a people prepared.

Zechariah expresses doubt about this promise, saying that both he and Elizabeth are old, and the angel strikes him with the inability to speak until after the promise is fulfilled.

Luke then relates what happens next, after Zechariah returns home:

After these days his wife Elizabeth conceived, and for five months she kept herself hidden, saying, “Thus the Lord has done for me in the days when he looked on me, to take away my reproach among people.”

A pregnant Elizabeth reappears on the scene after Mary has conceived Jesus. Mary goes to visit her cousin Elizabeth, and an amazing thing happens:

And when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, and she exclaimed with a loud cry, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold, when the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.”

Our pastor said that this incident was most likely John the Baptist’s regeneration. God is in control both before and after birth, even to the point of salvation before birth! Elizabeth was also given the gift of prophecy, shown in what she said about her Lord and by the fact that she was “filled with the Holy Spirit.”

Shortly after Mary left (after a three-month stay), Elizabeth gave birth:

Now the time came for Elizabeth to give birth, and she bore a son. And her neighbors and relatives heard that the Lord had shown great mercy to her, and they rejoiced with her. And on the eighth day they came to circumcise the child. And they would have called him Zechariah after his father, but his mother answered, “No; he shall be called John.” And they said to her, “None of your relatives is called by this name.” And they made signs to his father, inquiring what he wanted him to be called. And he asked for a writing tablet and wrote, “His name is John.” And they all wondered. And immediately his mouth was opened and his tongue loosed, and he spoke, blessing God. And fear came on all their neighbors. And all these things were talked about through all the hill country of Judea, and all who heard them laid them up in their hearts, saying, “What then will this child be?” For the hand of the Lord was with him.

What continues to strike me is how when God in Scripture opens a woman’s womb, He does amazing things through the offspring. This is no exception. John the Baptist was nothing less than the forerunner of the Messiah Himself, and he preached about God’s kingdom to His chosen people.

I pray if ever the Lord opens my womb, He will have something amazing for my child as well. 

Hannah is introduced to us in 1 Samuel 1, where we learn that she is one of two wives of Elkanah. Like in the story of Rachel, the “other wife” (Peninnah) is fertile while Hannah is not. Elkanah obviously loves Hannah, as he is especially gracious to her b/c she has no children. Peninnah, on the other hand, is a constant source of grief:

Elkanah begs Hannah not to weep and to resume eating, saying, “Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?” (Isn’t that sweet?)

While the whole clan is in Shiloh for worship and sacrifice, Hannah goes to the Temple to pray.

She is essentially saying to God, “Look, I want a child so much that if You will just give one to me, I will give him straight back to You!” She also made a vow that her child would be Nazarite.

Eli, the priest, sees Hannah praying, but he assumes she is drunk because her lips are moving while no words or sounds are coming. Hannah responds,

Eli comforts her by saying that God will grant her request, and she goes on her way and resumes normal life (including eating). Here’s how God answers her prayer:

Samuel means “heard of God.” (I really love how Biblical names have meaning and not just pretty sounds, kwim?)

Over the next couple of years (the text isn’t clear about how long she nurses Samuel, but given the culture, it was probably a couple of years at least), Hannah does not accompany the rest of the clan to Shiloh for worship and sacrifice. She remains at home with her son, nursing him and treasuring her time with him. However, when he is weaned,

Hannah dioes not forget her promise to God, that she would return to Him her most treasured possession. God had given Samuel to her, and she gave him back to the hands that had formed him.

Hannah’s prayer of thanksgiving is found in 1 Samuel 2. Here are portions:

There is none holy like the LORD;

Each year when the family goes up to Shiloh for sacrifices, Hannah brings along a new robe for him. I really love that picture of maternal providing. Even though she has returned him to his Maker, Hannah still holds Samuel in her heart and provides him with something tangible from her, the work of her own hands.

Indeed the LORD visited Hannah, and she conceived and bore three sons and two daughters. And the young man Samuel grew in the presence of the LORD.

What do we learn from Hannah? First, God answers prayers. He may not always give us the answer we’re looking for, but He does respond. Second, God takes our vows very seriously, and so should we. If we make a promise to God, we should keep it, even at great cost to ourselves. Third, don’t underestimate God’s generosity. Hannah was incredibly blessed…her first son was a valuable part of the worship in Shiloh (and became an amazing leader for Israel), and then God gave her five more children of her own. As the old saying goes, “You can’t outgive God!”

We first meet Rachel in Genesis 29, learning that she is a shepherdess.

Laban has two daughters, Leah and Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel is “beautiful in form and appearance,” according to verse 17. Jacob falls for the beautiful sister, and he serves Laban for seven years in order to marry her. Unfortunately, Laban tricks him into marrying Leah, saying it is the custom in their land for the older daughter to marry first. Jacob has to live as Leah’s husband for one week and then agree to serve Laban for seven more years in order to marry Rachel.

Rachel gets the love of her husband, but…

Rachel has to deal not only with her own infertility but with her rival’s almost hyperfertility. In verses 32-35, Leah gives birth to four sons (Reuben, which means “See, a son”; Simeon, which means “heard”; Levi, which means “attached”; and Judah, which means “praise). Leah is rubbing her blessings in the face of her aching sister.

Rachel experiences envy, and in chapter 30, she makes a demand of her husband:

Jacob, knowing well the sovereignty of God, responds angrily (probably not the best way to answer!),

As a compromise, Rachel gives Jacob her maid to sleep with. Bilhah gives birth to two sons in Rachel’s stead (Dan, which means “judged,” and Naphtali, which means “wrestling”; both of these names are also used in this game of one-upmanship between the sisters).

Leah then, because she seems to be experiencing a sort of secondary infertility (!), gives Jacob her servant to have more children with. The products of Jacob’s times with Zilpah are Gad (“good fortune”) and Asher (“happy”).

[Rachel, like Sarah, took her own route to conception rather than just trusting in God's will. Bringing in the servants as concubines probably wasn't the wisest course of action, as it spread Jacob even thinner, if you will.]

We then read that Rachel asks Leah for some mandrakes Reuben had brought in from the field. Leah, still burning with jealousy that Jacob loves Rachel more, demands that she be allowed to sleep once more with Jacob. Obviously, it’s more than once, as Leah then gives birth to Issachar (“wages”) and Zebulun (“honor”) and a daughter Dinah (“God has judged”).

Leah believes (and her culture agrees) that because she has given her husband more children, she has been judged more favorably than her sister. Score: Leah 8 sons & 1 daughter (incl. with the servant), Rachel 2 sons (only from the servant)

Finally, finally, finally!!

(The name Joseph is sort of a pun, as it means “may He add” and sounds like “taken away.”)

Some time later, Rachel again conceives a son. However, this time it doesn’t end well.

The later mentions of Rachel in Scripture speak of her lamenting for her children, refusing to be comforted. I find it really striking that her desire for children was appeased (by Joseph and later Benjamin, whom she did not get to enjoy) but she was not truly comforted as her descendents were later captured and in some cases killed.

My study Bible points out that Rachel was attempting to earn something she already had: undying love from Jacob. It didn’t matter to him whether she gave him sons; he loved her completely. It didn’t matter to him how many sons Leah gave him; he couldn’t ever love her. The bio on Rachel draws a parallel between this and God’s love for us. There’s nothing we can do to earn it; He loves us unconditionally. All we have to do is accept it.

We first meet Rebekah in Genesis 24. Abraham has gotten pretty old (seeing as he was 100 when Isaac was born, this is not surprising!), and he wants a good wife for his son. Abraham sends his servant to Nahor so that he can find a woman from Abraham’s family.

When the servant arrived, he prayed that God would give him a sign: that a woman would come to the well and offer water for both him and his camels. “By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master” (Gen. 24:14c). Rebekah was the woman who came, and she did indeed offer water for both the servant and his camels. She didn’t just give them some water; she watered the camels until they were no longer thirsty.

Though she had never met Abraham (as far as I can tell from Scripture), she was willing to leave the next day with Abraham’s servant. As she left the only home she’d ever known, her brother and mother gave her this blessing:

Chapter 24 closes with this:

We learn in chapter 25 that Isaac was 40 when he married Rebekah and that she was barren. She dealt with this issue for 20 years (v 26d). What fixed it?

She conceives twin sons, and the LORD tells her that she has two nations within her womb, two nations that would fight with each other. And we learn that each parent had a favorite: Isaac favored Esau, and Rebekah preferred Jacob. I really wonder how much of that was just how it would have been and how much of Rebekah’s preference was based on what God had revealed to her:

At the end of chapter 26, we find that Esau has married two Hittite women and they are making life bitter for Isaac and Rebekah. (See, it’s not always the MILs who are evil!) She laments at the end of chapter 27:

In chapter 27, Rebekah conspires with Jacob to get the blessing Isaac intends for Esau. My study Bible says that one of her biggest failings is her willingness to do things outside the correct order to reach the result she’d already been promised. In this case, the LORD Himself promised her that the older son would serve the younger son, but she had to take matters into her own hands to assure herself that it was really going to happen. (Shades of Sarah here, as when Sarah told Abraham to sleep with Hagar to make God’s promise true.) It wasn’t her ambition or even her get-’er-done attitude that was wrong; it was stepping outside God’s promise to fulfill God’s promise, as though He wouldn’t or couldn’t do it Himself.

Interestingly enough, we don’t hear about Rebekah’s death. We know she died (Gen. 49:31), but we don’t know anything else about it. Her last mention in Scripture is in Romans 9, and that mention is just because she is the mother of Jacob & Esau.

Sarai is introduced in Genesis 11:30, and look at how she’s defined:

Her story begins in Genesis 12, when we see her and her husband (at that point, his name was Abram) going down to Egypt because of a famine in their homeland. Abram was afraid Pharaoh would want to kill him in order to take Sarai for his own wife, so they pretended that Sarai was Abram’s sister (a half-truth, as they were indeed half siblings). God somehow communicated to Pharaoh the full truth, and he sent them on their way.

Here’s something my pastor pointed out to us earlier this year: Although at this point Sarai is in her late 60s or early 70s, she’s still so beautiful and “preserved” (for lack of a better term) that Abram rightly fears the Egyptian king’s interest in her. Sarai doesn’t just look good, she still looks young and desirable. That’s a miracle in itself! ;o)

In Genesis 15, God covenants with Abram that He will make a great nation from his seed. In chapter 16, we see that Sarai takes that covenant into her own hands, so to speak, by having her husband sleep with her servant Hagar. (At this point, Abram is 86 yrs old, and Sarai is about 10 yrs younger.) Of course, once Hagar conceived, Sarai was filled with contempt for her and treated her quite badly.

In chapter 17, God comes down again to Abram, making it clear this time that He intends to make a nation with both him and Sarai. He institutes the covenant sign of circumcision and changes their names to Abraham and Sarah. He even tells them when their child, a son, would be born (that same time the following year) and what his name would be. The name for their son was to be Isaac, which means “he laughs” or “laughter.”

In chapter 18, when Sarah hears this prophecy, she literally LOL. Here are verses 10-14:

We see here that she has definitely gone through menopause (“The way of women had ceased to be with Sarah.”), but the LORD Himself says, “Is anything too hard for the LORD?”

Genesis 20 relates that Abraham was up to his old tricks again, telling Abimelech that Sarah was his sister. Because Abimelech had taken another man’s wife, God actually inflicted infertility on Abimelech’s wife and female servants until Sarah was safely returned to Abraham.

The payoff comes in Genesis 21:

The last mention we have of Sarah comes from the “Hall of Faith” chapter, Hebrews 11: