Life as LawWife

I had my 18-week checkup yesterday with the midwife. Ah, I love to go see her. It’s just refreshing. And the fact that she thinks I’m funny doesn’t hurt.

I’ve gained 11lbs since the start of the pregnancy, so I’m right on target there. My blood pressure is perfect. My uterus is the right size. And Baby’s heart rate was 145, also perfect.

We have to start thinking about childbirth education now. Do we want to take a class with a group? Would we prefer a one-on-one session? Or would we rather read a book? Our midwife recommended I read Birthing from Within, especially since I have a habit of overanalyzing and overthinking and birth just won’t work well with that sort of strategy. She said that there are some pretty out-there ideas, but overall she thinks it would help me. I shall have to purchase it, no?

We have about a week until the “big” ultrasound to see how Baby is developing, and we also hope to see the sex. Woo-hoo!

I’ll close with my 18-week belly shot. Prepare to be stunned.

A couple of nights ago after one of my potty runs, I got back in bed at about 2:30 and settled in on my left side. Suddenly, I felt a rush of movement. Before then, I think I had felt Baby move (a faint brush, nothing more) once or twice. This time it was like a dance party. I’ve never felt anything like that before! It was just so very cool. It continued for several minutes, though I eventually fell back asleep and it hadn’t ended. This mama needed her sleep, even if there was a rave going on inside.

Last April, I was walking Rambaldi and praying that the Lord would allow me to be pregnant (more specifically pregnant with a child who would be born healthy and whole) by the same time the next year. This prayer came back to me recently and I was just completely overwhelmed with God’s faithfulness. Did He have to answer the prayer with a yes? Of course not. I’d prayed similar things before. But not only did He give us an answer to prayer, He also was gracious enough to remind me that I’d asked. Little things like that help me feel secure in His love. I most likely would have forgotten all about the prayer (as I’ve forgotten many of my “unanswered” prayers), especially given that pregnancy does quite the number on memory! But He was good enough to send a little reminder that He had indeed given us a yes this time. I don’t think I told anyone else about this prayer, so it was another indication, like a private wink and a nudge, that He hears me, not just the “prayer warriors” who surround me. What a great God!

I’ve been trying to pray faithfully for Baby. Aside from praying for a healthy, whole child, I’ve prayed for the wisdom to know how to handle both his strengths and his weaknesses. How to build upon the gifts God has endowed him with and how to work with him on the areas where he won’t be so naturally strong. I expect to have an intelligent (based on D, me, and our parents and siblings), talented (musically, artistically, grammatically!) child, and I know we’ll need wisdom to successfully shepherd our child into adulthood. I’m praying that my body will work properly in labor and delivery, that Baby will be in the proper position, and that breastfeeding will work smoothly. I’m praying for no complications so that we can stay here at home and have the birth we’re hoping for.

D says he’s praying for Baby to have an easy temperament, one that doesn’t overreact to the smallest troubles in life. That sounds good to me, too!

Will we receive a yes on all we’re praying for now? Only time will tell. But we’re certainly looking forward to the journey!

My pregnancy book tells me that this week the baby is about the size of a peach. How cute! This week I’m too big for normal pants & skirts. That’s kind of fun, I suppose. I can’t say I’m complaining. Maternity clothes are very comfortable! I’m still not big enough to need maternity tops, but that’ll come in time.

Here’s a photo of me on Easter Sunday (13 weeks). I wasn’t ready for D to take the picture, but it’s the best shot of the belly:

And just for fun, here are two pics for comparison. The first is me at eight weeks and the second is at 12 weeks:

What a difference a month makes, eh?

I have to keep a food diary for the next three days. I’m trying to eat as normally as possible so that my midwife can give me useful advice. I think if I tried to eat “well” for the whole three days she’d have a harder time knowing just what my struggles are. I think my biggest problem is that food is just too much work. A lot of the time I’d rather just sit and read or something than deal with getting food together. Yes, that’s something I’ll have to get over. I had a really bad habit before pregnancy of putting off eating as long as I could; it wasn’t because I was afraid of gaining weight or anything: it was truly just laziness. I’d eat breakfast at noon, lunch at 4, and supper at 8, and this was with getting up at 7:30 or 8:00. Not really good. At least now I’m too hungry most of the time to get away with that, but I still do tend to put off eating. Bad!

We had our first midwife appointment today. Well, we were supposed to. Hannah wrote us down for the 18th instead, but being flexible as midwives are, she just did an abbreviated appointment today. Hooray!

When I lay on the exam table for the heartbeat check, she mentioned that it might take a little longer than I’d like, just because it’s still pretty early and stuff. But she smeared the gel on the doppler, put it on my lower abdomen, and thump-thump-thump immediately started coming out of the doppler speaker. How cool!!! Baby’s heartrate was 160bpm, which is at the upper end of normal. Just perfect, since he’s obviously an overachiever.

I go back in three weeks for a more detailed intake and for more info on proper nutritional choices, etc.

Our ultrasound was Feb. 26. I was pretty nervous leading up to the appointment, and then we had to wait over an hour to be seen (yes, for an appointment scheduled over a month in advance!). By the time we were called back, I was close to tears. Thankfully, though, the doctor quickly moved through the procedural stuff and we got down to business.

I have to admit that I was surprised to see a baby come up on the screen. Why? Well, every ultrasound I’d had prior to this one was looking at my ovaries (to see follicles or cysts) and my uterus (to see how thick the lining was, whether it was appropriate for implantation of a fertilized egg). I guess subconsciously I was expecting to just see that stuff again.

But no. What we saw was a sweet little body with head, arms, and legs…and most importantly, a heartbeat. He thought it would be fun to show off a bit, so he wiggled his arms & legs for us and he danced around a bit.

I have a real, live baby inside me! What an amazing gift.

~*~*~*~

On a sad note, my friend Shelli, whom I mentioned recently, has lost another baby. Please keep her in your prayers as she grieves and looks for answers about her losses.

It would be wrong to say I feel ambivalent about the pregnancy. But I don’t feel like I should be doing anything right now. We still have to wait one more week for an ultrasound to tell us what’s going on in there, if baby is developing like he should and all is well. I feel like I’m in some sort of limbo. I don’t want to go buying a bunch of stuff (though it sounds like fun!) when I’m so unsure of everything.

It’s hard sometimes to know whether what I’m experiencing is just from the progesterone or if it’s pregnancy. I’m constantly evaluating my symptoms. Am I as tired as I was last week? What does it mean if I have more energy? Am I hungrier or less hungry? The change in my breasts is pretty real (I’ve gone up about two cup sizes since finding out!), but that’s rarely enough to convince me. I do have the occasional cramps and occasional sharp pains in my side that Your Pregnancy Week by Week tells me are normal signs that my uterus is growing.

But is it real? I can’t tell. And I still have to wait one more week to know more.

Just wanted to add a shout-out to my friend Shelli who is finally pregnant with what looks to be a stick-around baby! Many congratulations, girl! May you have a rather uneventful next few months before meeting your little one this fall. I wish you all the best.

D & I met with the area’s premiere homebirth midwife (that’s sort of redundant around here, as none of the doctor’s offices AFAIK have any midwives) on Tuesday evening. It was wonderful! She’s a Christian with theology similar to ours, and she totally sees what she does as a calling rather than a “job.”

Here are some highlights of what we learned at the consult:

• She’s attended approximately 600 births (though she believes it’s more, she lost some of her records in a move) and only four ended up with C-sections
• She’s transported something like twice while in this area
• She’s never done an episiotomy!
• The tub for waterbirth is included in the overall fee; she said many women choose to labor in the tub and deliver outside it
• She’s a CNM with a master’s degree in midwifery; her assistant is a nurse (I didn’t get whether LPN, RN, or what)
• She’s the only one in the practice, so she keeps her number of clients relatively low; she did, however, attend six births in January
• She’s really all about holistically treating issues rather than medicating (e.g., gestational diabetes, etc.)
• She’s much more flexible with appointment times (a huge plus in my husband’s eyes…he’ll be able to come to visits!)
• She doesn’t deliver twins, if they’re known about in advance
• Since her apprenticeship started in 1989, she has seen only two deaths; both were stillbirths and were known about in advance so they were delivered at a hospital
• She doesn’t particularly like any of the local hospitals, so if given a choice, she’d transport to hospitals a couple of counties over

One of her transports in this area was for an attempted VBAC that just didn’t work out. When the mother delivered via C-section, the OB that I’m seeing later this month (yes, Dr. 100% C-section Sounds Good to Me!)* made comments that the mother was lucky to get a live baby out of the deal. Hello, hostility! My husband told me this morning that as long as we’re not having twins, we’ll go with the homebirth. He knows I’d be uncomfortable otherwise. What a doll!

*I learned from the midwife that the OB I will see for my ultrasound is quite hostile to the whole homebirth deal and has expressed that she believes the U.S. should move and is moving toward a 100% C-section rate as she’s convinced that 100% C-section = 100% live babies.

I’m at an uncomfortable stage of pregnancy right now. I don’t have an ultrasound or any other sort of appointment scheduled until the end of February. I don’t have many “typical” pregnancy symptoms; I have some fatigue and a lot of hunger, but a portion of that could easily be attributed to the progesterone supplements I’m on. I can’t feel the baby move. I can’t listen to a heartbeat. My clothes don’t fit well, but that could be because I’m eating a lot and not exercising as much.

And then sometimes it feels as though my hunger is evening out some. Am I less hungry than I was last week? Does that mean something’s wrong? What if the only reason I haven’t started bleeding is because of the progesterone?

I can’t say I particularly care for this part. My mom says to just trust God and ask Him to help me accept whatever’s going on. I do know that the spirit of fear isn’t from Him. I just wish it could be easier right now.