Surviving the holidays
Christmas (Thanksgiving, too, for that matter) is so hard when you're infertile. These end-of-the year holidays are understandably seen as family affairs. And who wouldn't want to crash a family gathering with the happiest news of their lives? Every infertile I've known has dreamt of surprising family with a pregnancy announcement at Thanksgiving dinner or while opening gifts on Christmas morning. A negative pregnancy test or the beginning of a new cycle right around the time of these major holidays can be a crushing blow for us.
We also have added pain because Christmas especially is so focused on children. From the Christ Child Himself to the wide-eyed wonder of a three-year-old when the tree lights come on to the excitement of kids of all ages when waking up Christmas morning, Christmas is often about children. We're reading through Luke's account of Jesus' birth in our New Testament readings at church this month, and the historian Luke included the story of a former infertile, Elizabeth. The angel Gabriel told Mary about Elizabeth's miraculous conception when he came to tell her of her own:
Another big factor in our struggle is that another year is drawing to a close, since this big cluster of holidays comes at the end of the calendar year. All of us, even in just a tiny corner of our hearts, hoped that this year would be the one. That this year we'd end with a baby or a swelling tummy to indicate a baby is coming. But we're still "failures" in the TTC game. Still hoping but not succeeding.
RESOLVE has put out a paper on coping with the holidays, and it has many good tips. In addition to those, though, I'm learning to lean on Christ. I'm learning that my Father in Heaven has a good and wonderful plan for my life. I may not be able to see it now, but everything that's happening, God intends for good for D & me and glory for Himself. If He needs us to suffer this to bring more glory to His kingdom and to show others His grace in our lives, then we must suffer it gladly. That, of course, doesn't mean that we don't suffer or that the pain isn't real. It is very real. But like the psalmists, we must take our hurts and emotions and fears and everything else to our Savior. Only He can give the true healing and comfort we so long for.
The Puritan John Flavel wrote, "Sometimes Providences, like Hebrew letters, must be read backwards." We very likely won't understand what He's doing until it's done. And then we will give ultimate glory to our good God. Might as well get started now!
We also have added pain because Christmas especially is so focused on children. From the Christ Child Himself to the wide-eyed wonder of a three-year-old when the tree lights come on to the excitement of kids of all ages when waking up Christmas morning, Christmas is often about children. We're reading through Luke's account of Jesus' birth in our New Testament readings at church this month, and the historian Luke included the story of a former infertile, Elizabeth. The angel Gabriel told Mary about Elizabeth's miraculous conception when he came to tell her of her own:
"And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. For nothing will be impossible with God."So we're reminded of a miraculous conception in addition to the supernatural conception of our Savior. And we know that nothing is impossible for our God. Yet still we sit here with empty wombs and aching hearts.
Another big factor in our struggle is that another year is drawing to a close, since this big cluster of holidays comes at the end of the calendar year. All of us, even in just a tiny corner of our hearts, hoped that this year would be the one. That this year we'd end with a baby or a swelling tummy to indicate a baby is coming. But we're still "failures" in the TTC game. Still hoping but not succeeding.
RESOLVE has put out a paper on coping with the holidays, and it has many good tips. In addition to those, though, I'm learning to lean on Christ. I'm learning that my Father in Heaven has a good and wonderful plan for my life. I may not be able to see it now, but everything that's happening, God intends for good for D & me and glory for Himself. If He needs us to suffer this to bring more glory to His kingdom and to show others His grace in our lives, then we must suffer it gladly. That, of course, doesn't mean that we don't suffer or that the pain isn't real. It is very real. But like the psalmists, we must take our hurts and emotions and fears and everything else to our Savior. Only He can give the true healing and comfort we so long for.
The Puritan John Flavel wrote, "Sometimes Providences, like Hebrew letters, must be read backwards." We very likely won't understand what He's doing until it's done. And then we will give ultimate glory to our good God. Might as well get started now!
How are things? Been thinking about you. (Comment this)