Life as LawWife

Our ultrasound was Feb. 26. I was pretty nervous leading up to the appointment, and then we had to wait over an hour to be seen (yes, for an appointment scheduled over a month in advance!). By the time we were called back, I was close to tears. Thankfully, though, the doctor quickly moved through the procedural stuff and we got down to business.

I have to admit that I was surprised to see a baby come up on the screen. Why? Well, every ultrasound I'd had prior to this one was looking at my ovaries (to see follicles or cysts) and my uterus (to see how thick the lining was, whether it was appropriate for implantation of a fertilized egg). I guess subconsciously I was expecting to just see that stuff again.

But no. What we saw was a sweet little body with head, arms, and legs...and most importantly, a heartbeat. He thought it would be fun to show off a bit, so he wiggled his arms & legs for us and he danced around a bit.

I have a real, live baby inside me! What an amazing gift.

~*~*~*~

On a sad note, my friend Shelli, whom I mentioned recently, has lost another baby. Please keep her in your prayers as she grieves and looks for answers about her losses.

It would be wrong to say I feel ambivalent about the pregnancy. But I don't feel like I should be doing anything right now. We still have to wait one more week for an ultrasound to tell us what's going on in there, if baby is developing like he should and all is well. I feel like I'm in some sort of limbo. I don't want to go buying a bunch of stuff (though it sounds like fun!) when I'm so unsure of everything.

It's hard sometimes to know whether what I'm experiencing is just from the progesterone or if it's pregnancy. I'm constantly evaluating my symptoms. Am I as tired as I was last week? What does it mean if I have more energy? Am I hungrier or less hungry? The change in my breasts is pretty real (I've gone up about two cup sizes since finding out!), but that's rarely enough to convince me. I do have the occasional cramps and occasional sharp pains in my side that Your Pregnancy Week by Week tells me are normal signs that my uterus is growing.

But is it real? I can't tell. And I still have to wait one more week to know more.

Just wanted to add a shout-out to my friend Shelli who is finally pregnant with what looks to be a stick-around baby! Many congratulations, girl! May you have a rather uneventful next few months before meeting your little one this fall. I wish you all the best.

D & I met with the area's premiere homebirth midwife (that's sort of redundant around here, as none of the doctor's offices AFAIK have any midwives) on Tuesday evening. It was wonderful! She's a Christian with theology similar to ours, and she totally sees what she does as a calling rather than a "job."

Here are some highlights of what we learned at the consult:

• She's attended approximately 600 births (though she believes it's more, she lost some of her records in a move) and only four ended up with C-sections
• She's transported something like twice while in this area
• She's never done an episiotomy!
• The tub for waterbirth is included in the overall fee; she said many women choose to labor in the tub and deliver outside it
• She's a CNM with a master's degree in midwifery; her assistant is a nurse (I didn't get whether LPN, RN, or what)
• She's the only one in the practice, so she keeps her number of clients relatively low; she did, however, attend six births in January
• She's really all about holistically treating issues rather than medicating (e.g., gestational diabetes, etc.)
• She's much more flexible with appointment times (a huge plus in my husband's eyes...he'll be able to come to visits!)
• She doesn't deliver twins, if they're known about in advance
• Since her apprenticeship started in 1989, she has seen only two deaths; both were stillbirths and were known about in advance so they were delivered at a hospital
• She doesn't particularly like any of the local hospitals, so if given a choice, she'd transport to hospitals a couple of counties over

One of her transports in this area was for an attempted VBAC that just didn't work out. When the mother delivered via C-section, the OB that I'm seeing later this month (yes, Dr. 100% C-section Sounds Good to Me!)* made comments that the mother was lucky to get a live baby out of the deal. Hello, hostility! My husband told me this morning that as long as we're not having twins, we'll go with the homebirth. He knows I'd be uncomfortable otherwise. What a doll!

*I learned from the midwife that the OB I will see for my ultrasound is quite hostile to the whole homebirth deal and has expressed that she believes the U.S. should move and is moving toward a 100% C-section rate as she's convinced that 100% C-section = 100% live babies.

I'm at an uncomfortable stage of pregnancy right now. I don't have an ultrasound or any other sort of appointment scheduled until the end of February. I don't have many "typical" pregnancy symptoms; I have some fatigue and a lot of hunger, but a portion of that could easily be attributed to the progesterone supplements I'm on. I can't feel the baby move. I can't listen to a heartbeat. My clothes don't fit well, but that could be because I'm eating a lot and not exercising as much.

And then sometimes it feels as though my hunger is evening out some. Am I less hungry than I was last week? Does that mean something's wrong? What if the only reason I haven't started bleeding is because of the progesterone?

I can't say I particularly care for this part. My mom says to just trust God and ask Him to help me accept whatever's going on. I do know that the spirit of fear isn't from Him. I just wish it could be easier right now.

Evidently, the second half of one's seventh year of marriage is a good time for small appliances to bite the dust. Earlier this week I was making banana muffins (yum!) when one of the beaters just kept falling out of the mixer. No, not dangerous at all. I've been wanting a new hand mixer anyway to tide me over until I can have the Cadillac of all mixers, so it's not a huge bummer. Today I wanted to make some toast, but the toaster wouldn't stay down and work. I ended up having to use the oven broiler to make my toast.

Is there some sort of seven-year itch associated with small appliances?

I had my first craving this morning, when I delayed breakfast: Cinnamon Toast Crunch! I could taste it and smell it, even though I hadn't had any for many months. D was wonderful and brought me some. Yum! I enjoyed them so.

Saturday my super-smeller kicked into high gear. We went to the church house (our church doesn't currently have a building, though we have a couple of houses on our property; we meet weekly at another location) for praise team practice, and the men had had a prayer breakfast in the morning. The whole house just REEKED of bacon. I like bacon. I like to eat bacon. I like the way bacon smells. I did not enjoy this, though! D opened a window for me so I didn't have to leave. We later went to the mall, and it was as though I could smell every person I walked by. Some folks need better personal hygiene!

Now I'm going to go walk the dog. Exercise is so different these days; I have to do everything more slowly, and I can't do nearly as much. Walking Rambaldi last week nearly did me in. I'll know to take it easier this time.

Thursday was the first day I had to work since finding out about the little passenger. Wednesday night, I was more than a bit worried about the day, so I went to bed early. Took out my contacts, washed my face, the whole regular routine. Thursday morning I got up to discover that I had left my contacts in their case without any contact solution. I've been wearing contacts for approximately 15 years. This is not something new to me. What is new to me is the pair of contacts I'm wearing now. Duh.

Evidently, placenta brain is also a bit contagious. Wednesday, D gave a good bit of thought to what he'd wear that day, finally settling on a light gray suit, a navy sweater vest (it's cold here, though not arctic), and a lighter blue tie. He proceeded to go into the office without the suit coat and wearing brown shoes. *sigh*

I told one of the store owners yesterday that whenever he feels that something he's done is supremely stupid, I guarantee I've done something dumber in the past two weeks. It's gonna be a long road if I keep losing brain cells! And I wouldn't trade it for the world. :)