So I wrote a post this morning about my husband & I both having nightmares last night. And I got these comments, both from the same person:
This is very complicated. First, let me start by saying that you are very pretty. By your smile, I can tell that you have a sense of humor. However, (and I have to say however) you are very insecure.
I think you feel intimidated by your husband. It's not his fault. When he married you, he felt like he was getting the 'hottest girl in the world'.
He still feels that way. But here's what you need to do. You need to do something (a job) that makes you feel worth while (important). Of course, when the time is right, you will become pregnant.
But, I think that your putting all your self worth on becoming pregnant. Actually, that will hinder that process and destroy your relationship.
He loves you, he values you, you need to value yourself for who you are. Everything else will come naturally.
Secondly, if your husband refuses to let you get a job or something significant in your life to make yourself feel important, then you have to end the relationship. I know, it's easier said than done.
But, no matter how much stature he has, or how much money he makes, at that point, he is ruining your happiness. You can never let someone steal your joy. What matters is that we are happy in our lives. I believe you will not become pregnant if you are not happy. I said this was complicated and I do not know all the facts. He may be purposely intimidating you because he wants to hold on to you. Here's the hard part: you may be aware of that and enjoy the fact the he's trying to hold on to you.
That's where you have to decide. Because, at that point, you are just as guilty as he is. You have to ask yourself: Is it really worth it? Could I be just as happy on my own? I know I will find someone else if I really try. These things I know about. My Mother was a mistress to a wealthy Doctor. She left him and she never got over it. If this is your situation, I will tell you: Leave and make your mind up to leave. I can assure you, you are more than enough for most men. You will survive, and, probably, you will look back on it and say 'thank God I got out of there'. Here's my famous 'however'.
If he does want you to do something for yourself (a job), then he really does love you. You should concentrate on that and build your self esteem while recognigzing how lucky you are - I believe there will be a baby on the way.
Dude. I'm gobsmacked, as my friend Sarah would say. I have no idea who posted these comments, really I don't. But this person (I'll go with calling the poster a woman, just for simplicity's sake) has absolutely NO CLUE what she's talking about when it comes to me. Let me be VERY clear about myself.
I have a bachelor's degree in English. I graduated magna cum laud by choice; a friend & I sat down together our freshman year and decided we'd rather have lives than kill ourselves over grades, so we studied enough to do well but not so hard that we ended up with all A's. My husband & I started dating our freshman year of college and got married a few weeks after graduation. There is no doubt in either of our minds that God led us to each other and that we are good complements to each other. Before we married, we made a deal: I would work to put him through school, and after that, I'd never have to have a (paying) job again.
After we got married, we moved to Virginia to establish residency so my husband could have in-state tuition in law school. By God's grace, I landed a job as an executive assistant for a furniture company. God also allowed Dan to have a job at that same company in the customer service department. He worked there for a year until school started the following fall. I continued to work at that same job for his first year of law school, and I absolutely hated it. I feared for my sanity. By the time God granted me a new job, I was willing to walk away from our only source of income.
Thank God for my next job!! Through a woman at our church, I was introduced to the supervisor of an instructional design team in a health insurance company. I got the chance of my life, to be an editor of training material. I enjoyed the work, but it didn't "fulfill" me or give me "purpose" in this life. It was to pay the bills. It was a bonus that I got to do something I was good at, even passionate about. My husband finished law school, took and passed the Virginia bar exam, and started looking for a job. It took 10 months. By the end of that time, I was completely over my job. I often cried b/c I so wanted to stay home. I hated the stress and the politics of working in an office environment. All I wanted in the whole world was to stay home!
During this process, we started TTC. It didn't work out. By the time frame I'm up to in the previous paragraph, we'd been trying for over two years. We didn't have extra money to use for doctors to figure out what was wrong. It was quite frustrating and disappointing and discouraging...and all kinds of other things.
When my husband finally got a job offer last May, I was incredibly relieved to turn in my resignation. It was like, gosh, I can't think of what it was like except that now the burden of providing for our family was no longer mine. I quit my job on June 2, 2006, our fifth wedding anniversary. My husband started his job on June 12. And I started my life, and non-paying/24-hr job, as a SAHW.
I've never been so content in all my life, aside from the baby issue. I don't have a car (we have only one, and as my husband is usually traveling to court, he needs it), and I'm really quite happy to stay in our lovely house with our adorable dog. We've been TTC for over 3.5 years now. I have serious problems that have prevented pregnancy, not some mythical stress factor. If stress were the issue, then leaving my paying job to stay home would've been the magic bullet. Alas, for those of us with actual medical problems, there is no magic bullet.
My husband does love me. He was holding me as I cried in small group tonight when a couple who ostensibly were not ready for children announced their pregnancy. He values me above anyone else on this planet. And he desires a child just as much as I desire to give him one. He's a good, Godly man. He tries to love me as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. He strives to be a spiritual leader in our home. He has given me the opportunity of a lifetime: a chance to stay at home as I desire. I get to serve him by taking care of our home (you know, my job!) while he serves me by providing for our family. What a wonderful system!
And that is all I have to say about the outrageous things in this anonymous person's comments. I just can't believe the unmitigated gall of someone to post unsolicited advice to someone she hasn't even taken the time to get to know...even a little bit. It's not like all this stuff isn't out there on this very blog for the reading!
Rambaldi thought this was lovely, though, as there was something creamy & sweet on the floor for him! He was so cute just lapping it up. He even ended up with some on his "lip" when he was done, sort of like a milk mustache.
Oh, I so wish I could give him the child he longs for. I feel like an utter failure that I cannot, since it's my body that doesn't work. In my darkest moments, I wonder why God let him marry me when such disappointment would lie ahead for him. Dan deserves to be a daddy, even if I may not deserve to be a mommy (though it's my deepest desire).
Recent Comments
please change your look of this si