Have I mentioned waiting?!
It's interminable. Always (!!!) waiting for something. Allegedly, Clomid will make a woman ovulate earlier. My ovaries laugh in the face of pathetic little Clomid. They say, "We'll ovulate when we darn well feel like it, thank you so very much." I guess I shouldn't be surprised that they have their own ideas about when they'll do what, as I'm like that, too. It only makes sense that my body parts and organs would follow suit.
I look around me and I see teenagers with babies...friends who have tried for only one month and are now pregnant...women who "accidentally" got pregnant. Why is getting pregnant so easy for some women and so difficult for me?
I know it is unhealthy for me to compare, but today I need to complain. Will you listen? Must I remind You of my situation daily? What will it take?
I do not understand "Your will." Is it really best for me? I want Your will to include certain things for me. What about those faithful women who are patient and still childless? There are many things I do not understand. Lord, let me not make conception a mission and lose sight of the vision. Please protect me from bitterness, jealousy, and self-pity.
Where would I be without Scripture? Sometimes it is my only comfort. My husband tries to understand, but it's not the same for him. I have friends who hurt for me, but they have not experienced what I have. Thank You. Lord, for Your Word that soothes me.
Sometimes the emptiness and sorrow can be overwhelming. Thank You Lord, that every day is not as difficult as today. I know that You have picked me up more times than I even know. You are doing mighty things for me, even now as I write.
Please be patient with me, Oh Lord. You love me and don't want me to be in pain. Learning patience has been the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn. I fear that, if I haven't become pregnant yet, it may never happen.
I am trying to learn how to be content while I wait, Lord. I am trying to learn about trust. Loneliness cannot stay for long, for You lift my head and fill me with Your presence.
How will I respond if I conceive a child? Will I praise You as much as I think I will? Your gift would overwhelm me. Lord, please use my circumstances to glorify Yourself.
I know that there is but one guarantee. I know that You have promised to bless me.
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All i can say, because i know where im living right now, everyone for the women here atleast, they feel like the only thing to do is get pregnant..so me being here for the past 4 years, and not having one baby is yet, always has them asking Q's and it gets to me emotionally at times as well.. but i learnt to cope with it, and u know, just have patience..i know its hard, but God always listens to your prayers, in our religion we have this saying, that God doesn't accept your prayer for 3 reasons, the 3rd i somehow forgot but the first two was, because its a form of protection, maybe the timing isn't right, altho we may think it is, God knows best, or maybe something would happen to the baby if you had a baby now etc..and the second reason is, He will give you something even better in the hereafter..
I know its rough, and i cried many many days and nights thinking why'd u get pregnant? or how'd she get preg so fast.. but you know just be happy you have a very supportive husband, and enjoy your life with him right now, travel or do things together.. and lastly don't ever give up hope in God.. with patience comes victory..
Once again, jus thought i should leave a lil post..feel free to get back to me, or delete this lol, its up to you.. =D take care
with luv and prayers
Jennifer
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